low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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