You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
