we're chasing vodka with high fives
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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