We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
