That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
