This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
