I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
