mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
