Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
