i'm signing you up for texting rehab
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
