toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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