if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
