Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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