he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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