He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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