no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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