This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
