also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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