I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
