it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize