...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
