so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
