I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
