So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize