fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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