not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she told me i tasted like america
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
