so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
