there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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