Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
