Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
