If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
