I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
