Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
