i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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