He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
