I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
