im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
