she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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