he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
