If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
