Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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