You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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