That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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