I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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