No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What a dumb baby whore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
