A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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