Your face is a jimmy john
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
