So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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