I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
