Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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