oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
