I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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