so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
