I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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