What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
