she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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