So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sext me about skeletons
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
