but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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