that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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