you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
