Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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