Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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