i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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