i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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