Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
