found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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