I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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