just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
