areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
