If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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