69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
